| i know that we have to have storms in our lives, i know that, but sometimes i wish it didn't have to rain quite so hard. I really want to get closer to God. I need to get closer to God. I was talking to my dad about God today on the way home from Pistons game, and my dad [keep in mind my dad isn't a Christian.] and i was just telling him about how much God's mercy and grace aww me because no one on this eath deserves one ounce of it and then it just hit me like a ton of bricks i really need to get closer to God because He's way too amazing not to. Did it mean nothing to you? Because it ment soo much to me, words can not express. What i felt was real and what i felt was true. I know that actions speek louder then words, but my actions spoke nothing of the way i felt. They spoke of a shy, scared, and ashamed little girl that gave away the one true love in her life, the one thing she knew was real. Since the fire came the spark, that has never left my mind, and i really don't think ever will. Do you think i don't remember that look in your eyes? i remember it like it was yesterday, i think about it all the time [trust me if i could go back in time i would]. I would change so many things i did, so many thing i said to push you away. Unfortunately that's not possible so all that's left to do is say i'm sorry. |
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| OOMMGG!!!!!!! I just cut my hair!!!!! like ALOTTT!!!! |
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| still still there's a whisper in my ear,
the voice of loneliness and fear, so I say:
"devil, disappear!" |
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| it really idk makes me sad when i hear people talking about me & the things i used to do & used to be involved in. They act like they know what i've done & all that i've been through I think i alot of people take me for what i'm NOT because for what they've heard about me & what i used to do, but the key word there is USED TO BE. I have done so many things that i regret soo much & that i can't take back & oh boy do i wish that i could, but unfortunately that's not how this world works & Thanks to the Grace of God i do not have to regreat those things anymore but only learn from them because even though i'll never be able forget He forgives & forgets & loves me. I'll never understand untill the day i die why God loves me i sertainly don't deserve it all i know is that He does & that is all the madders. I only wish that people would get to know me for who i really am & not for what they think i am. God has changed me i give Him all the credit He has definately changed me & i don't want to evver go back to being the person i once was...ever. I would never walk away from God like that again. I've finally learned the He really is the way the truth & the light & will Always be. |
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| so it's been a prettty good weekend so far. emery was CRAAZZZYYY!!!! they're amaaazing soo soo soo good. it was so much fun Relient K was really good too hawthorne heights of coarse sucked but it was still fun cuz me & katelynn were going crazy & making fun of them hahaha fun times of my lifeeeeeeee. & it took us like forever to find my car & we got kind of loosed & i'm just like oh God help us because we're wondering around down town detroit looking for a car...ha not exactly smart. & then today i went to philips house with bethany, steven & david & me bethany steven & david went to wallmart for no good reason & david kept throwing these orange gummy sugary things at my car & shishkebobed on on my windshield & i still haven't taken it foo yet but yeah they're cool kids so it was fun & now me & bethany are pondering on what we can do nextttttttttttt it's annoying how i have car & i can finally do things but we can never figure out exactly what we want to do!!!!!! HHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. |
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